Today I cast my mind on many times I had thought of quitting, taking my life or allowing depressive thoughts to snuff all the hopes and dreams I had in me. To when I hit ground zero numerous times in the past and I had fatalistic prognostications of the future. My come back did not seem obtrusive in the horizon and counted down to taking the easy way out. I was marinated in self-thoughts of shame, failure and defeat.
I saw "Sapa", "Shege" and "Banza" those days and all that kept my feet from hanging off the ground was the two guys chatting outside my tiny room. One encouraged the other to have hope. They were completely oblivious of my actions. but little did they know they saved me that day. I told myself let me give myself another day. Just one more day.
That one day have now turned to years and as I think back to ten years ago, I cannot but wonder how much of the good life I would have missed out if I had japaed from planet earth. Surviving that experience transmogrified my belief and ultimately my aspirations. I would certainly wouldn't have been the father, the manager, the doctor, the 'ajala', and man that I am today.
Now, two years ago I saw serious "shege" but it did not throw me into depressive bouts. Many months ago, "wahala" visited me but it did not asphyxiate me. Four months ago, I experienced "kasala" while traveling but it not choke me. I soliloquise to myself, "I have seen 99 what is 100?". The "shege" of yesterday's made be better not bitter.
But I was not always like this. It was the combination of the wahala, shege and kasala of yesterday past that has now made me better, tougher and grittier.
Today when imposter syndrome comes creeping in, I give it shege. When I feel like quitting or want to lose guard for depressive thoughts, I return it back to sender.
In this beautiful race of life, sometimes "shege", "kasala" and "wahala" are inevitable encounters. No matter how deep you find yourself in it. Always remember that these circumstances are momentary and they would make you much better in the end if you don't quit.
If life gives you "shege", keep going. In the end, nothing you go through experiencing "shege" is wasted. Let it make you better not bitter.
