Never Compare. by Francis Okpaleke.

 

Oftentimes, we are faced with the temptation of defining our lives and measuring our self-worth using the progress of those around us as a yardstick. That former school friend that now lives abroad, the neighbour that drives a fancy car, and has a wonderful family, the close friend that works with a multinational company or a colleague/family member that is living the good life we hope for.

In our hearts, we wish them well but these nagging thoughts perpetually inundate our minds: God when? When will you bless me? Why do they have it all together? What are they doing differently? Why is my family not wealthy? 

I visited Dar es Salaam, Tanzania for a conference a few years ago and I left with an invaluable lesson. On arrival at the venue, I met fellow Africans who had come from Europe, Canada, and the United States as well as other parts of Africa to present their papers and I suddenly lost my confidence. It was my first time outside Nigeria and I was mesmerized seeing Ph.D. holders and Assistant Professors who were my age and had accomplished a lot in their respective fields. I only had my Bachelor’s degree.

As a matter of fact, the Chair of my session was a 28-year-old Assistant Professor from the United States. The verve to clearly articulate my paper left me and I was completely overshadowed by the thoughts of comparing my life with theirs. My troubling thoughts made me sad, vexed, and morose. I forgot that life is a cocoon that hatches after a protracted state of incubation and it is needless to compare the fecundity and maturity of the Iroko with other trees. 

Looking back, I have accomplished some of those things that seemed far-fetched and I have realized that the success of others does not mean I am failing. And that sometimes, the best things in life take time to materialize.

There have been other instances in my life where I have been tempted to compare my progress but my Tanzanian experience has been a sufficient learning curve. Rather, I have learned to celebrate the successes of others anticipating mine. This day, when I encounter upwardly mobile people, I draw closer to them to learn than compare. 

From my wealthy friends, I have learned the value of the investment. From my well-traveled buddies, I have mastered the fine art of traveling the world. My bookworm friends consistently sharpen my intellect and inspire me to write and from my secret admirers, I pick up key principles to better my life experience.

In life, our races are different. Some sprint to accomplishments while others run a marathon to achieve their goal. In the end, it is not by the length of our pace but oftentimes by the weight of God’s grace. So, never compare.